Question

The CEO has given her secretary this material for a memo, but it is highly un-organized. Rewrite the memo so that the main point is first, that the memo flows in a much more logical order. Delete information not relevant to the main idea. Use strong subjects and verbs -- in other words, employ the principles we talked about in the lesson on writing.
To employees at a call center
I’m hoping you can send out a memo for me to all phone operators. As you might or might not be aware of, we’ve had some problems lately with operators asking for breaks, or simply taking them, at all sorts of time during their shift. While we are happy to be flexible, we do have a job to do and must have a certain amount of operators manning the phones at all times. Several times the phones have rung and rung with not enough people to answer them. Several supervisors have complained to me that their people have argued with them about combining their breaks and meal break to get an hour at one time. I feel like I need to put my foot down so that each supervisor doesn’t have to make their own decision. We need to remind folks of our policy on breaks and meal breaks through the day. Remind telephone operators that they should take the two 15 minute breaks allotted to them generally about halfway through a four-hour work period. If they want or need to take a break during another time, they should talk with their supervisor. But let folks know this should be under extraordinary circumstances. Stress that these should be extraordinary circumstances so we can count on enough people to be on the phones through the day. Meal breaks should be taken roughly halfway through their shift, but they should be coordinated with their supervisor. Several times, we’ve lost folks we were counting on, only to find that they were on break. Phone operators can stay at their desks and work on personal business, or simply each lunch, as long as they are not tying up resources. We’d prefer, though, that they go to the break rooms or leave their cubicles. We don’t want people to create the perception that they’re doing personal tasks during work time. I often eat at my desk but of course I’m not salaried employee. Oh, and we don’t want folks saving up their breaks and leaving work early. We need to staff our phones from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Our staggered schedule allows us to do that, but not if folks create their own schedules. Do people have to take their breaks? Yes, they do -- federal law mandates it. So tell them they just can’t skip the breaks, though why they’d want to I don’t know. By the way, it looks like we’ll be hiring in the new fiscal year, as we go ahead with that expansion into the Southeast. Should be about 20 to 25 new phone operators.

Answer 1

Answer:

                   TO EMPLOYEES AT A CALL CENTER

It is my aim to send out a memo to you all phone operators. As you might or might not be aware of, we have faced series of problems lately with operators asking for breaks, or simply taking them without express permission which ended up clashing with their shift time for work. While we are happy to be flexible, we need to remind you of our policy on breaks and meal breaks through the day.

Most times,when a call came in, there will be no one to attend to it. Several supervisors have tabled the complaints of their team members, about combining their normal breaks and meal break in-order  to get an hour at one time. Despite being a noble suggestion, the employees and their supervisor should remember that, the working condition was explicitly stated in the contract agreement they signed before taking this job.

In a situation were there is extraordinary condition, the call operators should liaised with their supervisor and discuss about the need to take extra break time. Meal breaks should be taken roughly halfway through their shift, which should be under strict coordination by their supervisor.  Phone operators can stay at their desks and work on personal business, or simply each lunch, as long as they are not tying up resources.

We would prefer, though, that they go to the break rooms or leave their cubicles. We don’t want people to create the perception that they’re doing personal tasks during work time.  We need to staff our phones from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Our staggered schedule allows us to do that, but not if folks create their own schedules. Do people have to take their breaks? Yes, they do -- federal law mandates it. By the way, it looks like we will be hiring in the new fiscal year, as we go ahead with that expansion into the Southeast. Should be about 20 to 25 new phone operators.

Explanation: