Question

Read the excerpt from Sophia’s letter to the manager of an automotive shop. I bring my car to your shop often. This time, however, I am not happy with the service I got. Which is the best revision of the underlined portion of the sentence? I don’t think the service I received was any good. I am pretty angry about the service I got. I am dissatisfied with the service I received. no change

Answer 1

I am dissatisfied with the service. In the sentence it put how she feel about the service at the end while in this sentence how she feels is near the beginning of the sentence.

Answer 2

I am dissatisfied with the service I received.

This is the better revision because the word choice is more specific to the topic of the letter. Also, the more professional tone distances herself from the manager and gives more her more authority. The original sentence sounds too informal. This would be problematic because the audience of the letter may see the author as whiny and complaining instead of a person who should be taken seriously and worth listening to.